Premarital Counseling

Here are five of the most significant reasons to spend time in counseling together as an engaged couple:

1. Intentionality during engagement.

It’s easy to let dedicated time together and intentional, serious conversations fall by the wayside in the busyness of wedding planning. Going to counseling doesn’t mean something is wrong in your relationship; it can simply be a structured time to prepare for the future and address any concerns you have before marriage.

In Christian premarital counseling in Texas, these conversations are facilitated by a professional counselor who can help guide you through helpful and at times, difficult conversations, along with helping you learn skills that will benefit you throughout your marriage.

Counseling does not have to be a stressful experience; rather, it can be a good memory of the time you spent together prioritizing not just all of the logistics, but your relationship and the dynamic between the two of you.

The counselors at Texas Christian Counseling are experienced in both premarital and marriage counseling and can help you prepare for some of the most common struggles, challenges, and joys of marriage.

2. The effectiveness of premarital counseling.

According to Web MD:

“(A [2003] study)… reviewed 23 studies on the effectiveness of premarital counseling and found that the average couple who participates in a premarital counseling and education program reports a 30% stronger marriage than other couples.”

Preparing for your marriage before it gets started is one of the best investments you can make in your relationship. Time after time, we have seen relationships strengthened and marriages started off strong because the couple took the time to work through concerns and set goals together in premarital counseling.

An article in Psychology Today states, “Couples who engage in premarital counseling have a more realistic view of marriage and a deeper level of commitment to each other.” Commitment is the fuel it takes to make a marriage work for the long haul. Premarital counseling can strengthen your commitment to each other and your marriage, while developing skills you’ll need in relating to one another and solving conflict.

3. Developing relationship skills.

The two biggest skills you can work on in premarital counseling are 1) communication and 2) navigating conflict. Of course, the two overlap, but learning good communication skills can help you proactively strengthen your relationship and even avoid some conflict before it happens, while conflict resolution skills will help you navigate conflict when it inevitably arises.

Every individual has a unique personality and past. Merging two lives into marriage, the closest relationship on earth, involves a healthy degree of independence and interdependence for both individuals. Communication can make or break that relationship. Becoming aware of each other’s needs, desires, quirks, preferences, and developing assertiveness and kindness will serve you greatly in your day-to-day life as a married couple.

When conflict does arise, having the skills to handle it well, to understand each other’s natural style of conflict, and to solve it well is one of the most invaluable preparations you can make for marriage. The ability to disagree with your spouse, even being frustrated with them, without showing criticism, contempt, or other harmful attitudes, will bless your future marriage immeasurably.

4. Working through the past and setting goals for the future.

There’s a long list of experiences from the past that will affect your marriage in the future. Each spouse’s childhood and family of origin will inevitably play a huge role in their communication and conflict styles, expectations, lifestyles, and possibly trauma from their past, as well as how to handle those relationships as a married couple.

Not every experience or struggle needs to be worked through in premarital counseling. Individual counseling may help each partner become a healthier version of themselves, both before and during marriage. But some things are helpful to talk through in counseling together. Whether or not you’ve spent a lot of time discussing your childhoods, relationship histories, and other aspects of your past, addressing any lingering questions or concerns can help both partners feel more settled and prepared moving forward.

Besides discussing your individual histories, you can also talk about your relationship experience as a whole, address anything left unsaid between you, and consider how your past will influence your future.

Along the same lines, looking forward to the future is a huge part of any marriage. In premarital counseling you can discuss your hopes, dreams, how to set goals together, how to make major decisions together, and what you would like your future family to look like. You can discuss potential challenges, what your vows mean to each of you, and any fears or insecurities you have.

Additionally, you can break down those goals and plan regular check-ins and quality time together once you’re married. Creating these habits from the beginning can help both partners feel secure and remove some of the burden from whichever spouse tends to be the most goal-oriented. You can also plan for future counseling sessions once you’re married, to check in on the health of your relationship, discuss any challenges you’re facing, and continue setting goals for the future.

The concept of engagement in Scripture was a bit different than it is today. You may be familiar with the idea of betrothal in the New Testament. Whether engagement or betrothal, the culture in biblical times was much less focused on attraction and romantic love as a prerequisite for marriage than we are today, so it’s important to take this cultural context into account when reading Scripture:

“In modern Western culture, there is a clear distinction between betrothal/engagement and marriage. In the cultures of Bible times, the distinction was much less definitive. Betrothal in most eras of Bible history involved two families in a formal contract, and that contract was as binding as marriage itself. Betrothal then was more of a business transaction between two families than a personal, romantic choice.” (Got Questions)

While we may find it difficult to relate to a contractual rather than romantic approach to marriage, what we still have in common with the biblical era is the love and respect spouses should have for one another (Ephesians 5:22-27) and their mutual obligation to be faithful to each other in the covenant (binding agreement) of marriage (Hebrews 13:4).

The Bible has a lot to say about marriage. The overarching theme is the command to love one another and act in each other’s best interests, and that applies to both spouses. How you put that into practice will probably look different in your marriage than it does in someone else’s, and premarital counseling is a great place to prepare to love each other well.

If you and your fiancé are looking for a Christian counselor for premarital counseling in Texas, feel free to browse our online counselor directory to find a counselor who is a good fit for you as a couple. In your risk-free initial session, you can meet your counselor and discuss your goals, projected time frame, and hopes for the counseling process. Your counselor will work with you to decide what topics you’d like to cover and what is most important to you, as well as maintaining a comfortable and respectful environment for both partners.

To schedule your first session today, call our office or fill out our contact form. We look forward to speaking with you.

Resources:

• https://www.webmd.com/women/news/20030404/premarital-counseling-builds-better-union
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-connected-life/201706/do-you-really-need-premarital-counseling
• https://www.gotquestions.org/betrothal.html